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ACHALUGO's

The village square where humour, parenting and life experiences hold their meetings.

The story of the birth video I didn’t make (II)

The story of the birth video I didn't make (I) If you have been pregnant before, you would be no stranger to the advice to get regular sex towards your due date. Ask your doctor or everyone's doctor (google). "I... Continue Reading →

Ten ways to help you manage the home load

In response to my before 5.00am  post a few weeks ago, Ayobami had some comments about not sleeping early no matter how she tried. Half the time, we get mentally worked up trying to choose what's for dinner or what the... Continue Reading →

On period cramps, and why Zambia is right

Zambia recently moved from a Country where it was taboo to talk about women and periods, to making provisions in their Law allowing women to take off one day a month on their periods. They also do not have have... Continue Reading →

Pay attention to your compliments

The attitudes you pick up around end up becoming little bits and pieces that form yours. I want to talk about humility, false humility and the idea of humility. To be humble is a good thing, fantastic virtue to have. ... Continue Reading →

Before 5.00am

There's this fabulous account on Instagram I follow, the handle is @before5am.  ​Your sleep time plays a large role in how successful you become and remain I found the most recent post inspiring enough to share.  Photo: @before5am Before5am: Sunday... Continue Reading →

The story of the birth video I didn’t make

"What does it look like?" I asked, struggling to find a way to bend over to satisfy my curiosity and stay in the position Midwife Amake had instructed I lay back and resigned to fate, and the contractions. Everyone else... Continue Reading →

“Have a baby, it will be fun” they said

Then I went and had three, and this should be triple fun, applying elementary arithmetics. Fail. Disclaimer: This is not a rant It's 2.45am, and I am being subjected to insomnia under duress. It all began at about 4.00pm, when... Continue Reading →

“I do” and ensuing matters of nakedness

I like being naked. I don't think there is any unit in existence to measure my love for being naked. There is a frenzy with which lovers who haven't been together in a while, shed their clothes -that is the... Continue Reading →

Flawed…and owning it

P:S: This is not one of those sugar coated narratives about accepting yourself the way you are. That said, I woke up yesterday and did a census of the acne on my face, I was heartbroken.  I have enjoyed relatively... Continue Reading →

I learnt to knot a tie!

I'm excited. I learnt to knot a tie. It's probably a silly reason to be excited, but I am. A few nights ago, Kabiyesi struggled with knotting his tie in preparation for work the next day.  "Acha, don't tell me... Continue Reading →

On neglect, loss and redemption

I love body art. I have a past of qualifying my love for body art, explaining that my love for tattoos and piercings were limited to their reasonability. I still do not understand some tattoos, nor some multi-positioned body piercings.... Continue Reading →

The aftermath of mills and boons vs reality

"Acha, those romance novels lied to us o" My friend said to me, days ago. Then today, I found a colleague immersed in a novel, smiling dreamily. I snatched the book from her and took a shot. When I clocked... Continue Reading →

On study breaks and mental perambulations

I wonder why bats come out only at night. I think to write a bat story, but I have not done fiction this year.

There is nothing like fallen breasts

Just when you think the ridiculous arguments of where, why, when and how to breastfeed is over, some women are told that their breasts have fallen.

The unbecoming of a buka addict

What is a Buka? A Buka is any housing where edible dreams and aspirations are met, it is a state of mind, it is an enabling environment for reckless consumptional experimentation. (C) Achalugo

The little things

"Mommy, you have to come for our art exhibition, my painting is up" But you see, Lagos living is not wired to enable you take three hours off work, after returning from a recent three hours off work for immunization... Continue Reading →

The get-to-know-me tag

My first best friend was a pretty muslim girl, who was my seat partner in a catholic primary school...

‘SAHM’ ‘WM’…Can we just forget about these tags?

If a 'SAHM' was paid a salary, would people think differently?

Where do you draw the line?

Know when it is no longer working, know when to stop, don't let that horse drop dead beneath you.

D.N.D (Do Not Drown)

Growing up is a trick, if you can, don't. If you have, let us find a corner to go and cry off the steam, I'll bring tissues...

THE OTHER SIDE (and it’s not a Hello)

"You didn’t tell me you work in a car shop” “No, I just wake up in the morning, put on these dirty clothes and come here to sit under these cars”

Short Story: ‘Drip’ ‘Drip’

‘Drip’ ‘Drip’ I. “The pattern on your tie reminds me of my bedroom curtains” She whispered in his ears. Her voice reminded him of the pussy cat his brother’s wife kept for a pet. He had hated pussycats, till he... Continue Reading →

Wife? Mom? Harmattan 101

1. Who owns these men with white feet all around Lagos? Aunty, come and carry your husband, please. I know they no dey hear, these men. Just take that bottle of lotion and apply it by yourself. If you can't, and he can't, please collect all the palm slippers and hide. Shoes or nothing Shoes.

Who are we being strong for?

One of the most excruciating things to watch, is your child, sick. I realise daily, that with rearing toddlers, there is no balance. The house is chaotic half the time, and you are running about settling fights and tidying up.... Continue Reading →

My Monologues

10.  On Homeworks So, I was really thrilled at the last P.T.A meeting (my childrens' school have fancy name for it, but I sorta want to stick to what it was called in my time), when it was announced that... Continue Reading →

How my dead clock taught me death and dying.

Warning: Words such as death and dying occur frequently in this piece. An igbo proverb says, that when a man passes by people bearing another man's corpse, it looks as if it is mere wood they carry. These words were... Continue Reading →

Lagos has an uncanny way of fixing it’s branding coinages into your head. ‘Eko o ni baje’ ‘Lagos is working’ One of them promised you the super ease of being able to move about with your millions, and spend same... Continue Reading →

Nutritional hide and seek

Selflessness,selfishness,motherhood

FlashFiction: Severed

Severed Her soul curled at the foot of her bed, foetal position. Not that souls in pain curled in any other manner. She tried to cry herself out of the grime, but it heaped, fast, like the bricks from a... Continue Reading →

In the Club; Some of us are not here to dance

Places that people go to for recreation and fun are like streams to me. Some of us are there to bath, some, to swim, some are there to fetch water, but it's the one same stream. If anyone saw me... Continue Reading →

I get am before, no be property; Lessons from a corn roasting outfit.

I enjoy a very warm friendship with Mommy J. It was all politics. Politics of using my bump last year to skip the pretty long queue of everyone who wanted her roasted corn.  Politics that teaches you that when it... Continue Reading →

According to Chika: Next month is not assured

Chika is not a Pastor or soothsayer. She cannot even be one, too pretty for the business calling. And I know her, she will be rotating her sexy bowlegs and peering at you with eyes that hold attention. But today... Continue Reading →

Lagos Living: Ten tips to having and managing power supply effectively

1. Two Generators: These are not the days when Generators were back up, PHCN is back up now. And you know, if Generator is your main power supply, it goes without saying that you need a back up generator. Depending... Continue Reading →

Achalugo writes: On baby nose and bum shapings.

Today, I shall come as I am. For posts of this nature, I like to do some research, but not today. My mother didn't let me be over my children's noses. "Pull that nose" I have written that in plain... Continue Reading →

HOW TO: Styling your baby-girl’s afro hair

I thought I survived the busy weekend scotfree, till I looked at 100Watt's hair a few minutes before they left for school. I had zero time to braid or style. So here is a pretty quick fix; Dampen hair with... Continue Reading →

Teeth Tale Thursday

"Why are all your body parts falling apart?" That was my Boss' tease when I asked for two days off, so I could get my eyeglasses replaced and take care of some cavities. That was two weeks ago. Here are... Continue Reading →

Five tips you should keep in mind about homeworks

Who remembers 'Understanding Mathematics?' That thing terrified me in Primary school. The first time TheBoss brought it home, I was legit nervous and slightly shaken from past trauma. I think I was one of those people born never to love... Continue Reading →

How not to go late to church

You did that walk of shame last sunday, and promised yourself you would be earlier to mass/service the next sunday. Next sunday has come, same old late Madam. Once the kids start coming, it is no longer easy to jump... Continue Reading →

On Mazes and Pencils…a mini rant on keeping your parenting business to yourself

For people who are not fans of the social media, one point they repeatedly raise in trying to assert the disadvantages, is that a number of people post photos or status updates to soothe some attention seeking parts of themselves.... Continue Reading →

The Wages of Motherhood is…a few broken treasures

I like Style statements, not the neck breaking ones, the ones that people can see a headless photo of you and still say "That is you". Or to be able to flip through a fashion magazine and say "Daniella would... Continue Reading →

“My mom doesn’t want your advice!” said a little child

You look very stupid when you correct my childrens' super hero in their front. I am Mommy, therefore, that puzzled look they give you is a very simple 'what rubbish is this person on about?'.

Humans of Lagos

Humans of Lagos. "I had riden over two hours, before I decided that I really had to keep this memory. It is not everyday a babe can cycle in lagos, Nigeria. Why? Because between Danfo*, Keke*, Okada*, one will definitely... Continue Reading →

My Oven and I: A true narrative on facing our fears

Today, I did something I haven't done in two years and I felt like a bird set free from its cage Tigress released from captivity. I opened my Oven...

The Cyber-bullification of Love

And I wonder to myself, this manner of cyber bullying everyone is beginning to accept as normal. I cannot even start telling anyone to move on if they do not like a picture, impossible, the bitterness in their fingers usually wins. Why are your new loubs okay on your page and your friend at a nightout with her husband or fiance is not?

What pocket money meant then…and now

If you think this is an economic post, about how inflation and increase in everything has made a mockery of pocket money value, sorry to disappoint you. I know some of you used N5 to buy three Galas and two... Continue Reading →

Spell Tired: A-c-h-a-l-u-g-o

This used to be a joke between my friends and I, during my undergraduate days. It is much more fun to watch us act it out, so I'm afraid the meaning may be lost to a few. Very simple o.... Continue Reading →

Mommy know thy role…and to thy role be true

I have gotten to that point in parenthood, where your kids are old enough to emotionally blackmail you. "Mommy, I won't play with you again" You better not think that is a meaningless threat, it works wonders. You just feel... Continue Reading →

What has number five got to do with anything?

What has the number five got to do with anything?  Anticipate! Achalugo

The way to a man’s heart…begins from the market

I engage in Food porn. I chase recipes up and down like no man's business. I want to add more ways to my twenty ways to cook Egusi, ten ways to prepare Oha, I like my Ofe Owerri having some... Continue Reading →

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