Jonadab Utoh has a job but is looking for work. He does a lot of things and among those is speak his mind. He enjoys moments he succeeds at forcing himself to write.
Dreamer, lover, bathroom grammy winning singer.
It’s been more than a few days since my dear sister, mama 100 watts, commissioned me to do a piece on inter-tribal relationships for her delightful blog. Since then I have spent so much time thinking about the article and researching it but not even a minute writing anything.
That was until just now, until I saw it, until I saw the movie; “12 Years A Slave”. Now that’s one wonderful movie in all ramifications, you all should see it. To those who have seen the movie, I am sure they are bound to ask what the movie has to do with this piece. Well, to you our esteemed ‘normal’ reader there might not be a relationship or if any, it just might be too far-fetched. However to scatter-brained me, here is what came to mind: what if everything that befell “Platt” (Chiwetel Ejiofor) in the movie was perpetrated by blacks and the only reason behind it was because he was from another state? I bet no one would watch or relate with that movie and 20th Century Fox studios would have been occupied by now!
In my view, if a proponent of tribalism directs that movie that would be the end result.
Now before we go on here are a few facts you should hold on to:
• I (the writer) am not Racist, Racially biased or Tribalistic.
• “Tribalism is a disease passed on from generation to generation by ignorant parents to their gullible children”. – Nairaland comment
In today’s world, regardless of which angle you look at it from, tribalism/racism just does not make any sense. Coming home to us, it’s just appalling to think that a belief like this is still somewhat prevalent.From grand-parents to parents to children the virus continues to spread. It does gladden my heart though that in the midst of it all, love keeps finding its way, not minding the color of the skin that houses the heart.
Yes, more and more inter-tribal relationships are springing up around us and it’s a good thing, even if only to foster unity among us. However this is not to say that, like every other venture there is, inter-tribal relationships doesn’t have its drawbacks. It does. From families to friends, not everyone will be happy about it. From language barriers to insecurity, you’ll from time to time feel left out. The negatives will always be there and you may not be able to surmount them all but believe me that’s not reason enough to throw in the towel. As far as the positives go, here is what my personal experience and research says: Make sure of the more important things.
For me, here are the more important things; Love, Trust, Understanding. Now let’s break them down a little.
Love: Almost everyone agrees it’s a feeling. Well I say it’s more than that. It should be a feeling strong enough to make u reach a decision. Don’t just be in love, decide and conclude in your heart that the one you are with is the one you want to be with above and beyond all else.
Trust: beyond all doubt and completely but please not blindly. Also make sure it goes both ways. In the words of the rapper Phyno; “don’t give ears to ndiasiri” (rumor mongers). Be your own person. Stand for what you believe in, if you do believe in that relationship then be its biggest champion. Be honest always.
Understanding: of each other and your circumstances. Be willing to bend, be willing to learn, flexibility is key. Develop a thick skin. Remember it’s the two of us not all of us. Make and stand by your decisions as a couple. Limit third party interference.
Beyond all this, know that this is not fashion, don’t do it because it’s in vogue or because your friends are doing it, neither should you run from it because your mum said so.
If and where your heart finds love and your head sees reason, go for it.