It has been roughly forty-eight hours since we got to amuse ourselves with the bride-price app. In the middle of my yesterday, my friend sent me a bb-message with her bride price result. I forgot about the hot sun, and the agony of non functioning POS machines and laughed my heart out answering questions to see my own result.

This question tickled me non-stop;

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As you can see, I honestly highlighted my honest answer.

The Ada type of wife will give you exquisite culinary, she will tidy your house, she will wash for you, bring up your kids to be well behaved, she is the very perfect domesticated wife, the one you would boast of.

Caro?

You have two choices;

a. Ask Wizkid the type of babe he really meant

b. Be like me and assume Ada and Caro to be word and antonym, So for this intent and purpose, this is Caro- “Lady outside, freak in the sheets”

I imagine how an intending or married couple may be in bed, because Imaginations are free and legal. I have moved a very long time ago, from those who pretend like what goes on in their bedrooms matter less.

“…I will love and honour you with my body, all the days of my life”. Part of my wedding vows, and when I keep promises, I keep them well. So should you.

When we got married and moved to this exciting neighbourhood, the first thing that caught my attention most nights were our neighbours. That woman has China phone ringtone, you can hear her miles away. The following morning, i’d expect her to lower her eyes down when pur paths cross, but not that Calabar woman. And then one day, we seemed to have planned the matches together. And I stopped in the middle and said to Kabiyesi

“Her shouting is disturbing me”

and he smiled and said “So why are you being shy and choking on it? Shout your own too”

The following morning, I matched her eyeball to eyeball and she smiled and lowered her eyes.That was the last day anybody screamed unreasonably. We still hear them sometimes, but its no longer with reckless abandon.

There is absolutely no justification for doing nothing about an unsatisfied marital sex life. I can bet that some grumpy women I meet don’t just get it and they carry out their frustrations on unsuspecting citizens. If there is a problem with your sex drive or you just have some inhibitions, you need to address it.

Remember my post about marriage not being a school course work , so please don’t go and buy all sort of books and study the thing like exam. Watching Porn wont cure your problem either, so save your megabytes.

Darling woman, what is holding your inner Caro? Is it your tongue? Or your fingers? Is there something you want him to do, or stop doing? Communicate. Communication is the very first step to unleashing your inner Caro. And since it is not about you alone, ask what he wants too.

Stress is bad for the Caro in you. Avoid working yourself out till you are overly exhausted. Children are a handful, once they are more than one, all that running around and tidying after them will sure wear you out. Don’t be reluctant to take a weekend to yourselves if their grandparents are close enough for one or two nights out. They will look at you knowing what you are up, but woreva.

Do you think you or him are no longer as physically attractive as you were before? Hit the gym boo, and gym can be anywhere, the space in the middle of the sitting room works quite well. You see that pot-belly? It is because of your over zealousness as an Ada, stop over feeding that man. In the meantime you should grow to love the bodies you have become, because change truly is constant.

I cannot categorically be hitting you up with how to/unleashing tips when the key is with you. Unlock yourself and be free woman.

Ask those who highlighted as above, they were tremendous yards of wife materials, the elders can never be wrong.

 

Olori Achalugo.

 

 

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