You did that walk of shame last sunday, and promised yourself you would be earlier to mass/service the next sunday.

Next sunday has come, same old late Madam. Once the kids start coming, it is no longer easy to jump up thirty minutes to the time you have to be in church and still make it.

So someone asked me today, how she could be earlier to church with her three children.

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In no particular order, here are my tips for avoiding being late/quick escape routes when you already are.

1. Set an alarm: The alarm should be set for two hours before the time you have to be in church. So for instance, If I would attend 7.15am mass at my parish, I wake up by 5.00am, hoping to leave at 7.00am because church is a three minutes drive. If church isn’t that close to you, do the plus and minus to fit your schedule.

When you wake up late, you would most likely be late. You can salvage sometime by dropping your phone, leave that social media round for another time. Get everyone to hurry real quick with you.

2. Saturday nights: Saturday nights are for fondling alone. Don’t go and overdo yourself, your body naturally releases that feel good sleep longer hormone after sex. So for better will power to be able to obey that alarm at 5.00am, i’d say keep it for after church.

When you have already done sha, and you find yourself dragging your feet, hit the shower straight from bed -cold water.

3. Children clothes: Do this on saturday evenings/nights not sunday mornings. You’ll have ample time to find that missing socks, shoe or belt. Get the kids, hold up their clothes against them and double check.  I discover on some mornings I flaunt this rule, that TheBoss may have amazingly overgrown a pair of jeans I mentally thought would fit. Then you are late and you scatter their wardrobe, which you eventually have to sort after church -avoidable chore.

If you didn’t get to doing this, quickly throw on the tested and trusted. I would find my son his red jeans, any shirt that has red on it, plain black shoes, for instance. For 100watts, one pink gown would do the magic, plain white socks and black shoes. This is not the time to start checking if the orange top you got last week would match the lilac leggins and lemon shoes.

4. Children styling: If you give your son haircuts by yourself, never keep it for sunday mornings. For the girls, it really pays me to put 100watts hair in cornrows for the week on saturdays. If I want her to carry her hair unbraided, i set out hair clips and pins on saturday night. I detangle hair overnight, moisturize a little more than neccessary so her hair is just the right kind of damp to style in the morning.

If you miss this, always have a big hairband ready, so you can put round their heads. You can’t go wrong with a puff. Buy a red,pink,white and yellow hairband, one would always match.

5. Your shoes: Sometimes we women are ready, and can’t quite decide which shoe to throw on. My mom calls this the problem that arises from having surplus.

Get yourself a black and red shoe, one always goes when you are late.

6. Your clothes: You should do this the night before. Try them on if you have the time and be sure that they fit. Match your underwears as well. I have found myself having to change attire last minute because I couldn’t find a strapless bra for my off shoulder blouse.  Pick your jewellery, pick your shoes and purse/handbag. If like me you carry a baby bag instead, saturday evening is the time to throw in your baby diapers, bibs, spare baby clothes etc.

No matter how late you are, never forget your baby wipes! I tell you, you can manage the absence of anything else.

When you are late, forget about making an impression, your goal is to get to church early. My tested and trusted is my black gown, red shoes and red hat. When you see me in that, it is 75% sure that I was running late. The little black dress, rescuing women since the 1800s’. Another fabulous go to, is a plain iro and buba.

7. Jewellery: I happen to have two piercings, after getting to church one sunday with my two big ears empty, I started to sleep in a small earring in one of the piercings. So even if I rush out and forget my earrings, I would never be earringless. You could also keep a simple gold and silver earring in the car permanently, I do.

When you are late, forget that stupid voice in your head thay tells you that the gold stud doesnt quite match and you should find the chandelier earrings. It’s a lie woman, you are beautiful, regardless.

8. Make-up: Saturday evenings have nothing to do with this one. If you like to contour and highlight and blend and all that, woman, wake up early.

I like warm makeup for church, subtle and classy, so I am always done in five minutes. If i’m running late, I do my one minute makeup, which is basically my powder and plum colored lipgloss. Buy a powder with excellent and smooth finish, that way you could do without foundation when you dont have the time. Don’t get used to your very made-up self as well, you would become so dependent that you feel unbeautiful without it.

9. Oga: Everything here has been addressed to the mothers, because if we are honest, we are the reason half the time. Howverrrrrr, there are some men who are the reason for a family late going. They sleep till its 7.45am for an 8.00am service, and you hear

“Is it not just to baff and enter cloth and drive?”

No sir!

Please try and get up with, or a few minutes have Madam and help with the kids. Bathe one, feed the other, it’s all family bonding time.

10. Still late: Don’t despair. Slowly but surely. Check how many minutes you are late this Sunday and compare with the last. If you are still late, but five minutes earlier than you usually are, high five yourself. In no time, you’ll make it a habit.

Bonus: If you have one naughty neighbor who would take ages to come and move his car for you, please take saturday night to ensure that no one is blocking you.

Bonus two: Sometimes some people make it to church early, then they want to drive in to make car statements. Amusing. Please park at the nearest convinient place for your family and proceed to the church building.

This has been my unrehearsed quota to seeing less people saunter in late on sundays, I shall update if I remember any. Feel free to add your own tips below.

Happy rainy Sunday!

Stay warm,

Achalugo.

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